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2007-11-05T00:25:00.000+08:00

i give up.. i think i'll just create a new blog.. stay tuned.. heh... gonna switch over to IE..

2006-10-25T17:51:00.000+08:00

Bye Bye People.. at least for now.. cya when i'm out... thanks to all..

2006-09-10T03:11:00.000+08:00

happened to watch i am sam again on the bus.. was so touching at one point that i cldn't hold back tears... somehow it made me think... Man's great why.. cuz of their mind.. like Sam said.. we're 'perfect' not mentally handicapped like them.. and we being so 'perfect' learn to exploit people's feelings.. we learn to hide our feelings.. we learn to disguise.. plot.. scheme.. sow discord.. and wow.. this came frm this lil mass we call the brain... how perfect are we really?? somehow i think its the other way round.. those that are mentally handicapped are those that are perfect.. they live everyday honestly.. they say whats on their mind.. they feel.. they dun hide.. this is what i call perfect.. Man's strive for perfection.. has left us.. Imperfect.. the more we try to be perfect.. the more impure.. the more imperfect we become.. alryght.. so u may think i'm preaching.. food for thought.. go figure.. hope this strikes some of ur hearts..

anyway.. yoke thye my bro.. take care after the operation.. i know u wun be able to run wif me.. and samuel's gonna be working.. so.... i'm gonna be left all alone.. yes i'm whining.. cuz i know i can't run alone.. i can't make it alone.. and track peeps.. if anyone of u are reading this.. just be prepared if i drag u along on a very very slow jog wif me... those that still have ivp events.... u're safe :P those that dun have... heh heh... volunteer urselves and do a good deed man.. its not everyday u see me wanting to run.. make use of this time man.. YES.. HELP ME AND JOG WITH ME CAN?! PLEASE??? this is a plea going out to you trackers... hahaha

2006-09-07T16:42:00.000+08:00

what is it that keeps man moving on.. why izzit that often when ppl realise their mistakes its too late? but i'm glad bout one thing.. its when ppl start to realise their mistakes.. that they start to grow up and mature.. they start to realise everything they do has an effect on something one way or another..

time sure passes fast too.. 1 month plus more and i've to go to NS.. well i think i'll have to step up on my training... it felt good the other day to run 15 rounds.. practically kissed 12 and 9 rounds gd bye... but had a camp after training.. so didn't rest my legs enuff.. ended up wif a strained knee.. missed training on tuesday.. now i'm wondering if anyone else will be training tml... heh...

anyway peace out

2006-08-31T23:38:00.000+08:00

Training.. thats the constant thing on my mind now.. army's soon.. 26 oct.. but its the furthest thing from my mind.. not that i actually care that i'm going in.. no.. not running away.. just casting it to the back of my mind for now.. will deal with it when it comes.. i'm beginning to love the track.. the jogging.. and of cuz.. i already do love the track team.. for that few mins.. that two lil rounds i jog each time.. i feel free.. and focused.. all troubles gone.. nothing bothers me.. yeapz.. i'm running away when i'm jogging.. running away from reality.. that few mins literally rocks.. all you can think of is finishing the few rounds.. i wanna run faster.. longer.. and someday run with you guys.. i dun needa be the best.. just.. good at it will be fine.. i can't be steve prefortaine.. but i'll be myself.. i'm gonna look at the mirror when i wake up one day 2 years down the road and say woah.. today's a good day for a run.. thats gonna be how its like.. 9 and a half rounds.. heh thats history.. 12 rounds.. thats history too.. tml.. i'm gonna make it 14 rounds.. or more..

2006-08-26T09:59:00.000+08:00

Love my track and field mates.. dunno what i'd do without them.. i ran 9 and a half rounds in total yesterday.. heh a BIG achievement.. biggest for now.. this is the most ri ran since yr 2.. heh.. c'mon.. round of applause plz.. heh.. no choice going army soon.. needa train up abit.. anyway got steamboat later.. big surprise later.. i dun even know who's going.. hhahahaha..

2006-08-21T14:13:00.000+08:00

whats worst.. waking up and knowing ya got no money in ya wallet.. OR waking up red and burnt.. well well well.. i didn't get to choose.. i woke up with both.. nice eh? but thinking bout it.. yesterday was a fun day.. heh.. been awhile since i gone to sentosa... had fun.. probably half of those that gone to the beach were burnt badly.. i said probably.. not surely.. have lotzza laughs during vball.. lotzza trash talking.. and yea we played monkey in the sea.. and i think for the first time since redang.. i swam out into the sea.. ya know how much the sea scares the shit outta me... but somehow.. it didn't seem that bad after all.. in fact.. it felt good.. anyway guys.. loved yesterday... i haven had that much fun in years.. oh oh oh i almost forgot.. i lost xiao qiang spects for him when we were in the water.. and it did take awhile for the two of us to find out.. it was hilarious.. he couldn't remember if he wore it in the first place.. that set us out on a search in the shallow sea.. and when everyone was giving up!.. wei wen found it with his magic feet!! bravo!! and thanks for saving my skin too.. if not i dun think i've enuff to repay him.. hahahha thanks wei wen.. sorry xiao qiang.. :P after our exciting day.. we went to habourfront and eat our... some lunch.. some dinner.. for me it was.. breakfast.. lunch and dinner..cuz after that.. i reached home and slpt allllll the way til 8 this morning..

2006-08-19T01:55:00.000+08:00

No One Knows The Pain I Go Through Everyday...

I Am In PAIN.. ALWAYS HAD Been

But Which Of You Has Known Me Enough To Find Out...

Look At Where I'm Pointing My Fingers And ASK Yourself WHO Leslie is...

2006-08-16T15:49:00.000+08:00

heh.. whats new... -thinks- hmmm oh yea i got my letter for ns.. 26 oct. which means i gotta start losing some weight before i get in from now on.. and.... bahz gone from internet and hp for a wk.. that was 2 wks ago.. and what else.. nothing new.. -shrugs- thats my life.. boring as eva.. oh yea!! i went to watch the fireworks last saturday.. it was like -finds words to describe- ehz.. i can't find any words to describe sooo make a guess how beautiful it is lar... and yes.. i didn't get to spend it with anyone very important.. howeva.. i spent it with my track and field family.. :) whose importance is on par with the brotherhood.. :P but.. if a day comes when both ask me to go for the same event.. its either.. the two groups go as 1 big group or i'm not going for any.. to be fair :P hahahaha k lar enuff.. dunno whada say.. peace out...

p.s. a very funny quote from my friend's brother, i didn't know it takes four grown men to catch a rat.. thinking what it means??? go figure hahahaha

2006-06-25T08:19:00.000+08:00

again.. i got screwed by the acrylic paint.. does this look like gold to u??? anyway i left alot of spaces blank... i paint abit.. see the color feel so damn sian... then neva paint liaoz...

2006-06-25T06:46:00.000+08:00

i decided to color the shoe.. and i found out first and foremost.. the silver looks more like dark grey wat m i to do.. wat m i to do???? but i love the pink.... this is the pic for now...

i'm worried bout the gold paint i bought too.. sian sia...

2006-06-20T09:25:00.000+08:00

did some lining wif my micron pen on the converse shoe.. 3 yrs in archi and i neva used the pen once.. at least now it came in handy....

the main focus(back part)

the main focus(front part)

the other side

how they connect

now ppl if u wld be so kind.. gimme ur comments

2006-06-20T05:40:00.000+08:00

clement.. do liaoz.. after the other entry had to find something to cool me down.. this was it...

first, name 20 people you think of now before answering the questions below tag 5 person to do this,if he/she done it,there's no need to redo it again.

1: cryss
2: clement
3: teckpeng
4: dezhan
5: weesoon
6: jacqueline
7: naz
8: jazelle
9: rhoda
10:jasmin
11:patsy
12:sherrie
13:sienny
14:monica
15:jun
16:cheryl
17:jerelyn
18:belinda
19:anna
20:tony

When did you meet 14? first day of yr 1.. tt shld be yr 2003 dunno wat day lar.. my classmate

What will you do if you never meet 1 before ? if i neva met her before, i wldn't be me..

What will you do if 20 and 9 dated? haha.. they will be a seriously pretty couple.. the guy's handsome the girl's pretty

Did you ever like 19? wat the... yes..

Would 6 and 17 make a good couple? heh tt is if they're lesbians..

Describe 3. horny and girlish for a guy!sibei act cute oso hahaha.. dun get me back hor!

Do you think 8 is attractive? if she grew taller than 170 and had a sharper, slimmer face.. she wun be just attractive.. she'd be angelic..

Tell me something about 7. she's a grown up:) someone who i can talk to on par :D

Do you know any of the 12's family member? she doesn't even talk much to me.. how to know her family member..

What's 8 favourite things? cute guys and chocolate

What would you do if 11 confess that he/she likes you? she attached.. i'm not even thinking bout it

What language does 15 always speak?english

Who is 9 going out with?nobody.. she's too pessismistic bout relationships

How old is 16 now? 21..

When is the last time you talk to 13? 24hrs ago

Who's 2 favourtie singer/band? Ken Hirai.. dunno lar.. he listens to songs tt i dun listen to

Would you date 4? NOPE.

Would you date 7? nope.. i need her as a close fren..

Is 15 single? YES!! JUN its time to get a boy for urself!!

What's 10 last name?low

Would you ever be in a relationship with 11?no....

What school does 3 goes to? SP.. sch of design

Where does 6 live? bishan.. beside my sec sch CATHOLIC HIGH

What's your favourite thing about 5? u can't see his eyes even if he opens them fully..

Have you seen 1 naked? heh heh.. have i???? almost naked.. :)

5 people to do this lame thing: dunno lar not as if do this got prize.. u all wanna do the paste and do.. dun wanna do then sua..

2006-06-20T05:15:00.000+08:00

feel so screwed up now..its like wat 5:15a.m.? i just can't slp man.. still feeling so frustrated..people why can't u sometimes just keep ur damn opinions to urselves?no i'm gonna be nice wif this entry..this is my blog..i dun have to be kind..so just go fuck urselves if u have so much time on hand trying to help someone out ok?just leave my business alone will u?there are definitions towards different things for us.so if u dunno me.then shut up and i mean SHUT THE FUCK UP alryght..wat does it matter to u anyway? when u say something wrong. it messes up everything.. EVERYTHING OK? so wat if u dun like me.. seriously i used to care bout how ppl feel in the past when i do stuff but oh did u guys give me a damn at all when u say and do things.. so.. i'll tell u assholes that messed things up for me now.. NOW.. i dun care bout wat u think of me.. and it doesn't matter if u like me.. i'm ME.. u think i din care bout her when i started to chase her? if i didn't i wld be pestering her for an answer everyday.. and i mean everyday.. i neva did stress her out before.. so yea i do like to get physical.. but so wat? i know my limits.. i know the taboos.. hey look i'm almost 20? so dun fuck around wif me alryght. its just my form of affection and i neva went overboard once.. so now u ppl have to come into the picture and screw this up for me.. i'm pissed off wif whoever u ppl are.. and i'm frustrated wif u(the one i like) did i eva mistreat u in anyway? did i eva grope or even fondle u at all? no i didn't.. oh well.. when i hold u on the bustrips i just wanted u to lay ur head on something comfortable and slp if u're tired.. did i attempt to try anything funny? and sometimes when i hold u when we're talking is just solely because i like u near.its my way of showing affection..bah doesn't matter.. i'm just frustrated that u know so little of me.. and u let wat third parties say affect the way u think.. if i ever mean any harm to u.. given my size and strength wat cld have stopped me.. have u eva tot of it this way?? i guess not.. its a guess.. not a i-know-u-didn't.. so maybe next time if u hear something new.. how bout put urself in my shoes for a second or two?if there's ever a next time...arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. ppl i shall say this now.. BU YAO YUE BANG YUE MANG,if u have so much time to help.. go do ur homework... it helps.. and if u still have too much time.. GO FIDDLE WIF URSELVES.... YES YES THIS IS ME!!! HAHA YAR! THE BARBARIAN!! SHIOK NOT? GOT ME ON MY NERVES.. THE VOLCANO HASN'T ERUPT YET.. AND AS A WORD OF CAUTION.. DUN EVEN TRY ME K PPL...

2006-06-12T18:16:00.000+08:00

after weeks of absence here i'm back in front of the terminal and blogging.. nothing much's happened.. still waiting for my enlistment letter.. still slacking... oh yea i retook up my past-pasttime.. and tts M.U.D.ding.. its a game that requires loads of imagination.. just words.. no pictures.. there're loads of M.U.D.s online.. the one i'm playing is called Clandestine.. the game play takes place in the medevial times.. ok to me its fun.. it used to be a hot among my class back in sec 2 during the comp lab lesson.. yea.. and now since i'm bored like hell i've decided to take it up again... oh well nothing else to blog.. patsy.. loved ur party :) hehehe

2006-05-29T10:45:00.000+08:00

phobia... we all have a phobia of something.. it just depends on wht we can overcome it.. if i told u i have a phobia of humans.. wld u believe me.. i'll tell u wat i fear now.. i fear going blind which may happen.. i fear my clique breaking up.. i fear my fears overcoming me.. i fear that i've no future.. sometimes there are just too many things to fear.. budden if we let our fear overcome us.. wat becomes of us.. tts wat i'm thinking ryght now.. we fear because we can't manage, we fear because we're uncertain.. but how can we be certain of anything in life when everything else is just a variable to the big picture??

To the one tt i'm beginning to feel comfortable around..u may not know who u are.. or u may know who u are.. i dunno if it will worsen or stay the way it is.. but i know tt i want to spend the remaining time looking at u... laughing wif u.. enjoying all the sights tt we can see together.. it makes me so scared just to think abt losing my sight.. there's so much things i wanna do.. so much things i wanna see when i have the money.. but wat if.. just wat if my eyes fail me before i can do any of these.. i wished i cld read ur mind.. i know who u are because i observe.. but if the windows of my soul are to be shut before its time.. i can't imagine wat i m to expect.. maybe i just need more courage to tell u this...

2006-05-29T09:17:00.000+08:00

i joined the converse shoe design thingiee this was the initial design... its supposed to be a black on black design.. but i think i'm giving up on this design.. thinking of new ones.. its... i think too common.. heh the theme's glamourous...

the design on paper

experimenting it on jacqueline's canvas shoe.. :)

2006-05-29T05:27:00.000+08:00

its 5:24a.m. and i'm still awake.. i'm one tired man... was doing the blogskin for the brotherhood's blog.. finally done.. visit us.. www.ourbrotherhood.blogspot.com

i'm totally bushed man.. looks like i've to slp in the office again...

2006-05-28T09:26:00.000+08:00

stayed over at my grandm'as last nyght.. Grandma's outta town.. so i went there wif a fren intending to get some work done.. but it ended up as a supper and slpover session..heh.. just finished watching "Radio" for those who wanna know wat its about.. go watch it.. its not some action- packed movie.. its bout this mentally challenged guy nicknamed Radio.. and how this particular sports director of a high sch went out to help that guy.. its a touching story.. to some it may be boring at first.. but it has a beautiful ending.. it has meaning... and.. i think its something special.. really.. :) i cried like a baby at the ending.. well.. to me its touching.. i dunno bout u guys.. to each their own..

2006-05-17T16:08:00.000+08:00

boring boring boring.. have been at this piece of max for a few wks... the reason why i can't get it done i cuz i'm sick of it.. the design's not interesting.. like some off the shelf architecture.. wat the hell man.. arghhh IRRITATING LAR!!!

2006-05-14T23:19:00.000+08:00

finished this guy quite a few days back but too lazy to post it.. finished it on thursday to be exact.. heh.. here goes..

the arms

frm small... to big~~ 1:144 1:100 1:60

and again... holding their weapons

oone more time.. grp photo!!

and there u go guys.. and once again thanks for those who shared~~

2006-05-10T02:34:00.000+08:00

rough day.. had to reformat this silly o piece of electronic chips again.. did it once in the office.. guessed wat.. it din wanna get reformatted.. so it screwed itself up.. then when i came home.. the msn had no sound.. i cldn't use the internet properly.. so i was forced to reformat it again.. now my baby's all well and running.. oh yea.. finished the head in the office.. missing the battery though.. here are two pics of it.. will update soon as i get the battery.. :) cheerios..

just the head itself...

finally attached it to the body..

hmmz seems like next up is the gun, shield and yes,clement-ur-favourite, the GRAND SLAM.. oh yea.. i made a boo boo on the gun.. my nail clipper ripped a hole in it.. so i patched it wif waste plastic and cement.. and being a lil excited.. i started to sand it before it was completely dried.. as a result a bigger hole emerged.. more waste plastic and cement.. this time i waited for it to dry.. it did.. but somehow the edges played a cruel trick on me.. so there were still holes.. more waste plastic more cement.. and finally after 3 hrs of patching and sending i finished the gun.. heh.. oh yea.. finished the shield too..

the 3hr masterpiece

and its shield!

Clement's fav.. The Grand Slam!!

now my eyes are sooo blur...

2006-05-09T08:39:00.000+08:00

yes~~ i finished its upper torso.. hmm last nyght lar.. lazy to blog so i decided to post it this morning.. something's wrong wif my damn laptop again.. reformatting in the office now.. heh an excuse to laze for now.. takes bout an hr.. hahaha.. take a look at the pics again..

the upper torso wif its cockpit opened..

just the upper torso itself..

i fixed it on the lower torso!!!

dwarfs its brethen dun ya think.. :)

2006-05-08T10:57:00.000+08:00

here i am again.. back wif two more pics.. of its lower torso

here u go.. just the torso alone

and how it looks after i connected it wif its legs..

simply a work of art...feel like a kid wif a new box of crayons..

2006-05-08T07:07:00.000+08:00

heh heh long time no see some pics for u guys to see.. finished the feet and the legs.. wahahahha nice nice.. love it.. its details and all.. sooooo pretty..
:)

beautiful white legs.. hahaha

look at its size beside a 1:100 scale sword strike.. this Perfect Grade strike is HUGE.. just love it!!

heh heh still doing my best to finish it..

2006-05-05T10:19:00.000+08:00

in the office.. just woke up not long ago frm my slp.. the boss ain't here yet and i wish he wldn't be in today.. i guess most of u noticed the change in skin :) of cuz.. since i publicized it so much the moment i changed it.. hahaha i took the whole of yesterday to do ok! see so hardworking.. did it during office hrs.. heh boss wasn't in yesterday wat.. so i got lazy.. hmmmm got lazy sounds so nice.. i M lazy when i'm in the office.. maybe cuz the pay is only a thousand.. makes me so lazy.. haha wat for do so much.... 1k is not enuff for my responsibility.. heh heh.. *grinz* k lar dun blog le... i going to find something else to do..

2006-05-04T09:23:00.000+08:00

suddenly today i felt like getting an ipod.. heh heh.. still comtemplating.. maybe i'll buy one after all.. its friday tml!! its like that when u're working... u look forward to the wkends wheneva the wk starts.. life gets monotonous after awhile.. so u have to keep urself bz after work.. body's aching.. feels gd.. lost count of how long its been since i last been to the gym.. wasn't a gd workout yesterday but it was a gd start.. now if i can keep tt engine going.. i seriously needa negotiate the working hrs wif the boss.. this way i can go to the gym almost everyday.. the sch gym i mean.. heh.. needa build up the muscle endurance.. at least if this happens i wun feel so beat up when i go into the army.. yea..tml's friday.. contemplating if i shld go to the gym as well... dunno leyz... haha i feel so fickle-minded.. aiyahz later lar later then decide..

2006-05-02T09:18:00.000+08:00

guess wat... i finally beared to open my bdae present yesterday.. yes the perfect grade strike gundam that u guys gave me for my bdae last yr.. now how about those tt chipped in for it own up?? haha at least let me know who had a share in it man...

opening of the box..

construction manual

instruction manual

content inside the box.. mint in its plastic package

tonyght i'll start wif its feet!!

carefully cut and taken out.. laid out nicely.. hahaha

i'll post more pics when i'm done wif its feet.. hahaha

2006-04-30T00:19:00.000+08:00

Its never easy to miss someone, much less forget that special one. When running away feels like the only option, there's no choice but to do just that. But i wasn't born a runner, it doesn't take long to realise that she's still at the back of my head. The often peaceful moments.. quiet moments.. moments when i'm alone.. and there she wld appear.. ryght in front of me in my mind's eye.. i can't help it.. i can't let go.. she's left her mark on my soul just by being herself. Time did not cause her to fade away, it sharpened her image in my sea of thoughts.. and this thoughts are those that will constantly torment me... for she's not mine.. and without the hope that she ever will be.. this is the beauty of memories and its curse.. oh how many times i wish i cld just change them for new ones.. how many times i wish there wld be a way to erase all the unwanted memories just so that i cld smile frm my heart again.. how long wld i keep wanting these things to happen.. these things that will make me forget.. that will make me move on.. everyone of u that i've given a piece of my heart to.. it stayed with you.. and when u returned wat i gave with a piece of your own heart.. it stayed.. its still there.. i dun have a perfect heart.. cuz a perfect heart is a heart without flaws... but i do envy the fact that i've a beautiful heart.. though it myght be riddled wif holes.. and pieces that dun seem to fit.. but i'm glad i have them still.. it makes me... well it makes me me.. someone will one day keep this heart for me.. she will take it.. holes and all.. and she will keep it by her side.. and so will i keep hers.. someday that will happen..i'm sure it will.. ryght.. i'm not desperate.. i'm anxious.. i want to see who that person is.. i dunno how much time i have on my hands.. when this person comes along in my life i'll hold her dear and tyght..i'll hold her so close that our hearts will neva be far frm one another.. but these are just thoughts.. thoughts that keep me going in this world.. thoughts that keep company when my frens are not around.. if my life wld be describe as a building.. it wld be one wif a multi layered facade.. these thoughts are my foundation.. my frens are my support.. my faces... the facade.. many faces.. but all sincere.. i wonder where my family actually stands.. i'm trying to love my family.. but i dunno how.. maybe as i grow just that lil bit older i'll find out.. suddenly.. i feel as if i understood myself a lil more.. maybe i'm not tt lost in my life's direction after all..

2006-04-26T11:44:00.000+08:00

its so strange.. the constant need to find my identity.. its becoming tiring.. and sickening.. is there something wrong wif my head? or izzit just low self esteem.. the questions constantly appears.. like a haunting voice inside my head.. resounding.. resonating frm depths of unknown.. why is there this need of identity.. why m i so confused.. cld it be paranoia? cld it be the fact tt i misplaced my trust too often tt every lil thing will spark off a war in my mind that makes me think about wat i mean to tt person.. why does my mind keep wandering in the direction of me being used over and over again.. so tired tt i wish i cld just drown in these tots.. as in literally drowned in them.. its becoming so strong tt it begins to consume wats left of me.. so lost.. for now.. so lost again....

2006-04-25T08:31:00.000+08:00

i'm back.. been sick for the past week.. terrible time.. horrible sorethroat.. then a headache tt threaten to detonate my head.. heh.. i'm glad its almost over.. went to see the doc again yesterday.. got better medicine.. but it cost hellalotta money.. 50 bucks.. heh gd news is i got medicine to aid my recovery.. bad news is i have no more money for the rest of the wk.. either my sickness kills me.. or i die of hunger.. heh.. i wun die of hunger lar..

last nyght i went to send julia off.. with a whole lot of peeps.. we had.. hmmz lets see.. brian, alee, yuling, farhan, hariz, chester, wei zhong, carp, dezhan, teck peng, rhoda, jazelle, joy and veronica.. hmmz m i missing anyone here.. sorrli if i missed u.. :P see julia.. u're loved by us.. and oso ur classmates.. hehe we'll all miss u.. it ain't gonna be the same without u here..ahh well.. u'll be back in december.. then we'll celebrate our bdae.. and by tt time.. we'll go clubbing.. tt is if i can book out lar.. and u will see a botak me.. hahaha.. take care of urself there girl.. we all miss u :) and if u miss us.. there's ur blog.. ur msn.. ur frenster.. and oso the things tt we gave to u.. *grinz* dun miss us too much :P haha..

anyway peeps i think tts all to blog.. i'm at work.. bored...

2006-04-18T17:06:00.000+08:00

was bored at work.. so i read up on steroids.. finally understood wat they are.. supposedly body-enhancing supplements that stimulates muscle growth... increase in muscular strength and stamina.. HOWEVA.. these supposed elixirs have damaging side effects on the human body.. guys's reproductive organs shrink and start to develope breasts.. girls start to grow facial hair and their breasts shrink.. decrease efficiency in our immune systems.. but still people often abuse steroids despite their life damaging effects.. humans are so strange.. they are able to overlook faults and focus on the benefits if the subject is beneficial to self in a short time.. goes to show our yearning for achieving the best using even the wrong ways..
odd humans.. we created technology to give ourselves a life that wld be more luxurious.. howeva.. the irony is.. the more technologically advanced we are.. the more deadly viral diseases become.. so in short.. we created technology to kill ourselves.. but one thing i'm quite excited about is this article i read about gene doping.. ok.. i'm rather backdated.. but i'm pretty excited bout the fact tt if this gene therapy thing have the possibility of being commercialised.. it help the aged.. and of cuz alot of the physically challenged people.. and all goes well steroids will no longer be of any use cuz this gene therapy that i'm talking bout is able to enhance our physical body functions like muscle growth perhaps.. or stimulate dormant genes.... heh its just my two cents.. my tots are rather jumbled up in this entry so if u dun understand.. then dun bother understanding.. :P

2006-04-18T11:31:00.000+08:00

Lately after i got my results and completed yr3 officially.. i've been wondering.. have i chosen the dead end for myself.. i mean i can't go to the U after this to continue Archi degree.. but even if i cld i doubt i wld.. the life of an architect just ain't my cup of tea.. so just wat m i suppose to do.. i'm abit lost now.. i know i've interest in fashion design.. but i dun wanna go overseas to study.. and overseas' the only option to make it big in fashion.. sadly in singapore art stands almost no place.. u either have to be the best.. or u eat grass.. the only thing tt i'm grateful for so far is that my enlistment date is 3rd of june.. its so near.. :) i was afraid of NS.. and i still am.. but its something i gotta go through.. looking at it on the lighter note.. i'll probably be so tired frm training that i'll forget bout her.. bout wat i'm gonna do in the future.. somehow thinking of this makes me feel better.. but really.. its just running away.. but sometimes somethings i just can't face alone.. and since time allows it.. why not run for awhile longer.. tt wld help for now.. i certainly hope its that way...

anyway people.. like this new skin?
it ain't like me.. but its a change...
refreshing?? hahaha

2006-04-16T09:30:00.000+08:00

Was at MOS last nyght... it wasn't wat i tot it wld be... a lil disappointed... and to add to tt.. frustrated and angry.. cuz i lost my ring... the one and only piece of physical memory that i once shared wif my ex.. of all places to lose it.. the dance floor.. cuz of the word playfulness.. still feelin very irritated by its loss.. but wat can i do.. there's only so much humans can do.. only hope that they find it on tuesday and its still in one piece.. i'm missing that ring already.. missing its feelin on my thumb... why did it have to slip out of my finger when my hand got whacked.. arghhhh stupid.. why did tt idiert have to be so playful and smack me.. arghhh.. sigh... plz come back lil ring.. plz...

2006-04-12T16:01:00.000+08:00

wednesday.. working.. bored.. its 4 already.. i've no more interest in the work currently.. watching vandread on my laptop and blogging on the desktop.. thinking of changing my blogskin.. heh.. can't concentrate on bloggin lar.. tonyght then blog again..

2006-04-10T17:15:00.000+08:00

this is monday.. a day after the camp.. hmmz i admit the camp wasn't that bad after all.. but i din get to enjoy much of it due to a sprained foot and an injured thumb.. the events were great.. minor screw ups here and there.. but its ok.. nothing's perfect.. this yr's messing can be considered a success though the food became a lil repetitive.. everything was cool in the kitchen.. the rice cld be eaten.. the egg and everything else a lil bit charred but all edible.. MAN!~!~! wat else cld be better.. and there we have our messing in charge.. anna and mat.. three cheers to them and of cuz.. us the brotherhood for helping out here and there in the kitchen of cuz..three cheers for us too.. and for the GLs.. u guys did great too.. here we go another three cheers for every single one of u.. i din have enuff honey water to go round for u all lar.. but saved u all abit every now and then.. be grateful hor!! haha kidding.. anyway to the rest of my bros that have 1 more yr in sp.. stay together bros.. we mustn't break apart.. and for all my frens in the camp who have another 2 yrs.. jia you.. just two more years.. i'll be back to visit u all frm time to time.. :) wahahaha.. and tag my blog hor!!!!!

2006-04-10T16:59:00.000+08:00

how does it feel to run away from something for so long, to think u have forgotten but to stop and realised that it has become clearer and nearer to you than u can possibly imagine? how does it feel when words are no longer enough to describe how u feel? how does it feel to cry inside over and over again while smiling and laughing with the world like it didn't seem like it hurt? there is this saying that the eyes are the windows to our soul... i agree.. if u stare hard at another person's eye long enough u myght just be able to understand that he may be living under a false facade.. no matter how i tried to hide, to run, to forget.. it all only seems to come back.. but nothing lasts forever.. even memories fade.. pray this bit of memory fades with time.. pray this bit of memory gets blown by the wind.. pray this bit of memory be buried amongst the deepest depths of my mind.. my heart.. my soul and neva be disturbed and awakened....

2006-02-17T16:40:00.000+08:00

20 mins and counting left into my last test of my yr3 life.. in this 3 yrs of architecture i think i screwed up my yr3 the most.. i've four major modules and i think i have only grasped the fundamentals of 1 this yr
it only dawned on me during the test.. ryght at this moment i realise i've taken my ability to understand things quickly for granted.. heh well i've no idea if i wld pass these tests but.. haha they're over anyway.. most come to most i get retained.. tts the worst case scenario i can come up wif... but as they say.. let tml worry for itself... yea.. i'll do just tt..

2006-02-13T08:47:00.000+08:00

Everyday's Valentine's Day
When we're together that is
Everyday's Valentine's Day
As we laugh and joke bout anything under the sun
Everyday's Valentine's Day
As we whisper sweet nothings to one another
Everyday's Valentine's Day
As we sit together and gaze at the stars
Everyday's Valentine's Day
As we gaze upon each other's eyes
Everyday's Valentine's Day
With you just around by my side
Everyday's Valentine's Day
As enjoy this romantic meal together
Everyday's Valentine's Day
As i whisper I LOVE YOU in ur ears

But now everyday's just another normal day
For i've not met the right you
But now everyday's just another normal day
For my love has no where to go
But now everyday's just another normal day
For i'm waiting for u with the rest of my time
But now everyday's just another normal day
For i'm waiting for u to appear
But now everyday's just another normal day
Without you by my side

How i wish u'd say yes now..
How i wish u'd agree to be my Valentine this yr..
But how i wish i have what it takes to be your valentine..
But i wish i m what it takes to make u happy..
All these wishes will neva see the light
Unless you o'lady uncovers this lid..
O sweet lady.. Will u eva be my valentine??

2006-02-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

its been almost a week since submission.. life's a bore.. definitely.. there's nothing to do.. no where to go... since i'm the only one in my bunch of frens who's graduating.. this is the ultimate no life man.. so much time.. no one to spend wif.. so much time.. no money to accompany it.. its like sitting here and waiting for something to drop frm the skies... valentine's day's coming... asked anna out.. but she said she myght be studying at home cuz of the test next day.. oh well... tests do pop up at the stupidest of times.. 8shrugs8 i think tts all i wanna say now.. peace out...

2006-01-23T13:20:00.000+08:00

hey.. been a while since i blogged eh? so much has happened.. so fast and 3 yrs of poly life is almost gone.. as they say gd things always comes last.. yeap its so true.. i met a bunch of wonderful frens.. so many to name.. so i shall not name them.. oh.. u know urselves ppl.. the yr1s the yr2s and even the yr3s.. hahaha.. i'm glad i met u guys.. this is a boring lecture.. last lecture for Architectural Design Studio.. 2 wks left til submission.. things are so hectic.. its the final lap.. everyone's going for it doing their best.. and perhaps this is the first time i'm so stressed out.. perspective.. viz.. details.. i dunno how much i can finish i dunno how much i can push outta me.. but i have to... and i'll.... just for this time.. :)

2005-12-27T01:49:00.000+08:00

hmmz its always the small things in life that makes me happy.. how bout u guys?? was downstairs awhile ago.. reading through the smses in my inbox.. the xmas greetings.. the bdae greetings.. the lil thank yous that i saved.. somehow it warmed my heart.. haha yeapz.. tts me.. remember.. if ya wanna make me happy.. do small lil things that are close to the heart.. i'll feel it...

2005-11-22T08:09:00.000+08:00

Although inside my mind sees and understands wat my eyes dun.. tt doesn't mean i have to like wat my eyes see and accept wat they the superficial surface truth.. i'm tired.. but wat is tireness when a soul has already been weary for so long.. so close rest seems to be.. but yet that distance seems to be filled wif so many potholes and obstacles.. *sigh* so much uncertainties... being uncertain means being troubled and how can one be happy if one's troubled.. the mask.. the mask tt one has to wear everyday.. can u see a tear on tt mask. tt one single tear on the laughin face. yes! even a lifeless mask is able to tear.. do u understand wat the one beneath that mask feels? so much one has to bear.. so much one feels before he can care..life wishes to joke wif one.. life wishes to cripple rather than kill.. u know why? cuz its more painful to be crippled than dead! to know u once had the ability to do wat u wanted to and can't... to know that wat u wanna do is so near yet so far... go ahead.. laugh at one.. laugh.. for one hears no more.. for one will care no more in time...

2005-11-07T12:17:00.000+08:00

the following post is encrypted.. if u're smart enuff.. figure it out.. imi insi chfi eeli ingdi ownui ncomi fori tabli ei. theresai wargi oingii nsidi ei.. imgi ettingai lilui ncomi fori tabli ei.. partoi fii twi antsoi uti.. partoi fii twi antsti osi tayi.. imfi eelingui nhappyii thinkti hisii sji ustwi atji asminsi aidi. butii cantsi howhi erimi nothi appi yi.. iji ustci ani ti.. idi unwi annapi ressurehi eri.. ihi ateti oai dmitti hii si.. butii feelni ohi opeii nti hispi ursuitai tai lli.. somi ehowti hesi msdi oesntti allywi ifhi erbi odyli angi uagei.. mai ybeii readti oomi uchii ntoti heni othi ingni essi.. iwii shii cansi itai tti hebi eachni owi.. letti hesi eawi ashmymi indci lei ani.. ifoi nlyti hesi eaci ouldri eallywi ashmi ymi indci leanai ndci leansemi ybi eii ngi.. mai ybeilli bemi uchhi appi ieri.. itshi ardti owi aitwi ithoi utsi ufi ferii ngi.. butsi ufi ferii ngii sni oti hingci omparedti ori ejei ctioi ni.. themi ostpi ainfulti hingti omi eisi reji eci tii oni.. iveni evafi ali leni sofi astai nddi ei epi.. notfi orei ugi eniai.. notfi orci ryi ssi.. thisti imeii tssi uredi eepi.. imei ani..wordsti tiwi annaci onveyni evaci amesi oei asi ilyii npoemsni orli etti ersi... imustbi eafi ooli.. idunnowi hyiri eadsi omi uchii ntowi atshi appi enii ngii nmysi urroi undii ngsi.. itti iresmei.. itmi akesmi econfi usedi.. itmakesmi ewori ryi.. itsei asyti ofi orgetwi hosi heii si.. itsri eallyvi erysi implei.. ithi inki... butsi ometimesitsti hesi implestti hingti tsti hehi ardestti oai ccompi lishi.. ifai tti hispi ointti tuai lrei adyri eadii ngti hisei ntri yi.. plzki eepii tti oursi elfi... shedi oesnthi aveti oknowsi omi uchi... ithii nkisi hallei ndhi erei.. imti oohi ypedui pbyci onfusionti tici angi oonfi orevi eri...PEACE OUT..
i know if i dun want u all to know wat i'm writing i shldn't pen it down.. but.. i can't bottle it inside.. and i'm scared bout exposing it.. so.. apolgies for thos who think i'm stupid and dumb...

2005-10-31T11:05:00.000+08:00

heh in the lecture room with jack and his fren doing nothing.. first day of sch damn boring.. skipped lesson.. intended to slp during the tutorial time but.. as usual the class was f*cking noisy.. cldn't take it.. excused myself.. heh waiting for time to pass to go meet val.. so much to talk about later.. so much to ask.. sometimes i feel like heaven's toying wif me.. its stupid.. i wld say tt this camp was better than the last yeap.. minor setbacks but i'm ok... haha.. JACK's STRESSED OUT... a VIRUS has infiltrated his SYSTEM! brotherhood language ar.. dun understand nvm.. haha.. i'm not sure wat i wanna tell u too.. there's just too much.. too jumbled up.. i dunno how to plan them out.. maybe when i settle down.. maybe when my mind's settled down.. hahaha... peace out for now..

2005-10-31T04:10:00.000+08:00

just got back frm work.. finally touched the computer after my departure frm home on thursday morning.. was so looking forward to some events during the camp.. but it turned out to be a disappointment at some parts.. specially the solo nyght.. i'm not gonna elaborate.. can't elaborate anyway.. too tired to... haha gave a few wrong change to customers at work just now.. guess i was tired beyond belief.. but in the end i made quite a hefty sum.. one hr plus more and i'll be on my way to sch.. wonder how's it gonna be like... heh.. lets talk later.. cryss... :P i go slp le.. nyghtz..

2005-10-24T13:51:00.000+08:00

guess where i'm on this blue blue monday.. in sch... using lionel's lappie.. teckpeng's using mine.. i dun wanna use mine.. internet connection's weak.. something's wrong wif my wireless i wonder wats wrong.. but wat the hell... heh.. my eyelids are soooo heavy.. wun be long before i fall aslp again... tired.. haven gotten any decent slp for the past few days.. hectic.. hectic life... i wonder when i can take a decent break away frm all... heh.. fantasizin bout this beautiful island where i can be alone to escape frm everything.. even time... but.. how is this even possible.. i dun even know where to start.. tiresome... i can tell u tt as i type i'm feelin dead tired.. thank god for the gift of not seeing the keyboard when i type.. otherwise i wun even be able to get the starting of this entry out.. my eyes can't focus anymore.. they just wanna close and stay closed.. heh.. camp's coming.. not exactly looking forward to it.. or anything else..i dunno wats wrong.. somehow no drive.. lost in the past... maybe tts why i dun wanna look forward.. heh tiresome tiresome life... sometimes i wish things were as easy as smiling.. but u know even smiling is hard.. heh.. u get wat i mean.. and if u dun.. plz dun try to understand... misunderstandings happen due to the existence of smart alecs.. hahaha :P. k lar his lappie low batt i better sign out liao.. PEACE OUT!

2005-10-16T14:03:00.000+08:00

just my two cents.. spur of the moment.. the chinese poet in me at work... plz enjoy.. 100% original.. 100% written by me..

2005-10-09T03:19:00.000+08:00

i think its bout time to start painting my gundams and stop fixing them.. hahaha
just off the rack :
epyon
leopard
astray red
super gundam
aile strike
sazabi
providence
sword strike
zaku
nataku
sandrock
tallgeese 3
deathscythe hell
heavyarms
blitz
justice
freedom
destiny
sd astray red
aegis
strike rouge
shield liger
rayser tiger
liger zero
energy liger

wat the hell sooo many.. gonna start painting them or building dioramas already..
keep myself bz.. hahhaa.. yeap.. tts a gd idea

2005-10-09T03:09:00.000+08:00

things have changed so much since birth.. gd changes.. bad changes.. everyday's changing.. but one thing hasn't changed.. i still love embracing the past.. u know why i love to embrace and hold on to the past? cuz the past is simple.. its over.. its a scene tt has already happened.. provides us a scenario to fantasize.. to dwell.. to stay in... the past is how "wat if"s come about.. few ppl are able to let go... i'm very sure i'm not one of them.. but i wish i cld let go.. i'm not strong enuff to let go of the past.. i can't accept the present.. no matter it be a gift.. or a curse.. i can't accept the present.. i dun look forward to the future now.. i hate looking forward.. we can't control wateva's happening.. nor can we stop wats gonna happen.. i just wish i can live in the past.. and disappear frm the present.. its tiring to be human.. its tiring to be a humane human.. everything's tiring.. maybe sometimes we shld just all be go back to sq 1.. the times where we cldn't talk.. times when we were so primitive and fight to solve our disputes.. yes.. tt wld be simpler.. simpler to live..

2005-10-07T14:38:00.000+08:00

i'm holding on...

2005-10-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

today.. the chalet ended.. yes it ended.. how did it turn out.. hmmmz to be frank.. it was disappointing... lets just say i haven exactly got back the money i spent.. i learnt my lesson and probably i wun organise another chalet again.. not when i'm around so much irresponsible ppl.. they just dun have the slightest sense of responsibility... irritants.. for those tt came and are reading this.. thanks for coming.. u made me feel great when u come.. something big happened during the chalet... words can't describe how i feel.. but if its enuff to kick me into the bottom of the pit.. then u shld know how i feel.. the world has taken my tears.. and now it feels so hard to cry.. but i tot bout it.. earth doesn't stop spinning cuz i feel tt way.. the flowers wun stop blooming cuz i feel this way.. so why shld i stop laughing and smiling and being me.. i'll recover.. maybe not now not tml.. not anytime soon.. but i'll recover.. and i dun wanna give up... i'll always be there watching and waiting.. i'll catch u if u fall.. no i dun sound like a stalker.. i mean figuratively... its hard to let u go.. and believe me i've fallen deep enuff.. *takes a deep breath in* tml will be a better day...

2005-09-28T01:47:00.000+08:00

i tot of giving them one last chance.. even up til just now.. but i tot otherwise now.. now.. i just have to keep to this tot.. they used me din they? i gave them enuff time and chance to redeem themselves.. but.. forget it.. every action tells me they dun deserve it.. but.. i was born nice.. yes i maybe a nag and a destructor sometimes..but.. overall i'm mr nice guy man.. i'll go into the sea of fire just to save a fren.. or climb the mountain of blades just to help one.. stupid me.. stupid heart.. BETTER STICK TO WAT U SAID LESLIE.. U BETTA!! or ppl will just use u again.. and again and again.. the same thing will re-enact itself.. no more i was born nice.. no more i can't help it.. before u help anyone tt u decide to make frens wif.. make sure they will be frens.. and not abandon u.. make sure.. MAKE SURE! or u myght as well be better off helpin the dead come to life in a cemetery... at least dead ppl are nicer ppl than the living sometimes.... dun be so nice tt ppl brand u and IDIOT... and before u're made spastic by them.. WAKE UP...

2005-09-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

the pictures tells it all.. wish i cld do this to them....
lets put our hands together and welcome the fantasies of a tired mind

if only i can make all these happen.. then probably i wun be so sad...

2005-09-24T23:11:00.000+08:00

Let Me Be

For My Battered Soul Needs A Rest

Let Me Be

For My Shattered Heart That Needs To Be Mend

Let Me Be

Cuz My Eyes No Longer Tear

Let Me Be

Let Me Find that Pier

Let Me Be

Let Me Find Some Peace

Let Me Be

Let My Body Be At Ease

Let Me Be

Let Me Die ALONE

If You'd Really Care

You Wld Have Known When I Was Alone

Then You Wouldn't Have Forsaken Me

Then You Wouldn't Have Used Me

Nor Torment me

LET ME BE

If You're Here To Leave Me Alone....

2005-09-21T12:35:00.000+08:00

typical wednesday morning.. or rather noon time as it is.. i'm still feeling upset.. its been awhile since i'm so upset.. i feel so used and dumb so... i dunno.. why is it everytime when i think tt i finally have someone close to rely on tt person always does something to twist the whole situation around?? i'm like a ship tts looking for a pier to dock.. i'm tired of drifting.. i needa dock.. but where.. everytime i tot i find tt pier it just casts me away after my time is up.. m i just another tool in everyone's eyes? once again i tell myself tt it doesn't pay to be helpful.. but once again i'll fail in the quest of becoming cold.. it hurts deep inside to know tt i'm forgotten so quickly.. can't they just do it more discreetly? maybe if i tell myself tt i'm ok long enuff my subconscious mind will trigger something to make me feel ok.. i'm a sucker for attention.. i admit tt.. but who's not? who doesn't want attention frm the ones he cares so much about? who doesn't? afterall i'm only human..cryss it just keeps happening.. when will it stop.. will i have to sink before i really find a dock? or a rescue ship or god knows..just when i tot i've a tomorrow to look forward to it swiftly becomes the past.. wats wrong wif me?? is there really something wrong... can't someone just tell me... i can't seem to find out why.. maybe i think too much.. but.. its really true.. i mean the actions.. maybe i'm over-reacting but blame it on my observance.. i dun wanna be like tt anymore.. i wanna be oblivious to things sometimes.. but i can't.. i just can't turn my back on anything.. who m i to blame? is my soft-heartedness a gift or a curse..late in the nyght when i slp alone i long for someone to shout out to when i've a nyghtmare.. i long for someone to call when i'm sad.. but who.. where.. how? i dream dreamless dreams.. i know happiness ain't eternal.. and momentary's the next closest thing.. but where issit? why have all forsaken me?! i wonder when i will snap.. but i guess i neva will.. i'm too sane.. i wanna go mad.. i wanna get high.. and perhaps.. i even wanna die.. life's so meaningless to wake up to nothing.. to know tt ur frens are sometimes not there when u need them the most.. no i'm not saying i dun treat them as frens.. but even they have their best buddies.. where's mine.. where's mine.. they keep going away after awhile.. wat have i done? m i too nice? have they mistaken something? its always questions questions questions.. i can't accept it.. but life forces me to accept them.. i need answers... if i'm such a terrible person.. tell it to my face.. i'm sure i'll change.. if not i'm sure there's oughta be a reason behind the things i do..a pair of hands given for naught.. a heart tt feels but rejoices naught.. a soul tt reaches but recieve naught, a face tt cries.. but tears naught.. self pitying..... self pityin.. i fall once again into the plight of self pitying.. but who will help me make myself better.. i've stop pitying myself in front of others.. but it doesn't work.. yes i'm a bitter person.. yes i'm a sad person.. but i cast this all aside when i give advice and tries to cheer someone up.. who will understand, who will acknowledge my existence as unique as it is.. its not how i feel bout myself at times.. its.... how i help the rest tt matter.. ain't it..if only u cld hold me in ur arms again and comfort me like u used to..suddenly i need a pair of hands to guide me along this road.. i've... become blind... who will be tt pair of hands cryss.. i dun need a soulmate to guide me.. i just need a gd fren.. a gd fren where this battered ship can finally dock and find solace.. where is this fren.....

2005-08-25T15:54:00.000+08:00

in lecture.. supposedly was mr tan's lecture... supposedly... but he's left.. had some other part time lecturer now.. the class is being noisy.. the part time lecturer ain't happy.. u dun have to guess to know where the noise is coming frm... heh... finished my mat journal.. prouda myself... hahaha from nothing to something.. :P hmmz nothing much to say too.. borin.. just boring.. not much batt left in my lappie.. so i dun even wanna bother bout work.. just leave it as it is.. maybe go home and do.. k lar.. i better listen to class already.. hahahaz :D love ya cryss.. and yea.. haven recovered frm wateva's going on yet.. *sigh*..emotionally drained.. mentally drained too... hahaha..

2005-08-23T11:35:00.000+08:00

hey! finished my core finally.. firstly i was so stuck.. without space and all.. now after i redrew my structure i actually have too much space to waste.. hahaha i'm kinda happy.. but it will be over soon.. happiness neva lasts long for me.. heh.. bored.. dun feel like doing work already... mumbling in the background.. window media player playing in the foreground.. blogging.. just not the correct atmosphere to do work.. its just... hmmz wrong.. no idea how i'm gonna do my mat journal.. no time to make it down to the national library... have training today.. haviing the track opening tml.. shitz manz.. this is the only time i wish i have more than twenty four hrs in a day.. dunno lar.. see how lar.. hahaha k back to work..

2005-08-17T10:19:00.000+08:00

it amazes me how wrong humans can be... amazes me how they percieve things wif the least logic possible.. amazes me how they bind emotions to their actions.. yes i'm guilty of that too.. very guilty.. i dun deny it... but there's a difference.. dun percieve things without a basis.. i keep mum til my points are proven.. now i understand why most ppl go wif the flow.. being a human means u dun stand out.. if ya make urself stand out u get critisized and cast out.. wat did i do wrong.. i just voiced out the tots of everybody.. u know why alot of ppl go wif the flow?? because if the majority is wrong.. there is nothing called wrong.. look at it this way.. u will see tt i make sense.. pain.. the pain of being different.. i dun wanna be normal.. normal's sometimes so wrong.. i'm lost.. i dunno wat to be.. i've so many faces that i dunno which is me.. lemme cry once more lord.. teach me to shed tears again.. no one else.. nothing else is responding.. i'm tired.. confused... i'm still me.. maybe a lil kinder and nicer.. but not everyone sees it.. not everyone.. everytime i think i have left something behind.. i moved on to only realised i dragged it wif me.. wat can i do? i dunno. maybe all these problems cld have been minimised if i'm not a sensitive or observant person.. it sucks to be soft.. but i can't bring myself to be cold and hard either.. i need a new me... tell me how long this has to last... tell me... i looked at the light.. it ain't telling me anything.. *sigh*

2005-08-12T01:40:00.000+08:00

it doesn't matter when u made a mistake.. nothing's gonna be able to atone for it.. saying sorry is no use.. sorry can't undo anything.. no matter how small the mistake is.. a mistake is forever a mistake.. nothing can be done to undo it.. nothing can be done to make it better.. like a broken glass.. no matter how u fix it there is still a mark.. unless u melt it down and mould one.. not possible.. we're humans.. we only have one life.. we can't relive our life.. mistakes.. too late.. too late...

why do we have emotions.. they're useless.. in this practical world.. emotions aren't even worth a cent.. wats the use of them.. they plague us so.. they make us forget ourselves.. they make us too full of ourselves.. they make us cry.. worry.. trouble.. scheme.. kill... name it, it does it.. why does it have to be created wif us.. why are we programmed wif these viruses tt we call emotion.. they pollute us.. pollute pollute us all.. pain.. the pain i feel... comes frm the mistakes i made.. but i lost the ability to cry.. i dunno how to cry.. i'm lost without a guide.. i dun wanna live wif my class.. but i wanna live wif my frens.. wat frens are there when they dun understand u.. wat frens are there when they dun care for u.. another semester and a lil more of a term to go.. i've been holding on for so long.. m i going to break now..i wonder how some of my frens achieved tt cold blooded hearts of theirs.. i want one too..i want one so i wun feel the pain.. its this pain tt makes me so human.. so human tt i myght probably be eaten alive in this practical world.. i know this entry i probably gonna scare half of those that know me away..but dun u all think this way at times too... when ya feeling lost and ur parents can't be turn to.. wat do u do?? no one answers me.. no one will.. cuz no one feels or understand wat i feel.... cuz if they understand and feel the way i do... i wldn't be so miserable now... i wldn't be so hurt now..

2005-07-20T10:32:00.000+08:00

sitting in S1. wasted half my morning already.. doing nothing.. can't seem to think of how to position my stuff in my cores.. feels so messy.. arghh can't priortize nor can i catergorize anything.. so frustrating.... cant think wif all these ppl around... it only irritates me and adds to my frustration.. nvm.. i shall try nevertheless... tortoise and the hare.. i shall be the tortoise that crawls faster than the hare..

2005-07-12T00:31:00.000+08:00

hmmz i dunno how to rate today.. seriously.. but at least i made someone happy.. haha gave rainy her bdae present today.. i guessed she loved it frm her reaction.. haha even i loved it.. well.. after tt everything started going wrong.. wrong.. wrong... first i completed my massing model which had my circulation and all the spaces planned out nicely.. then guess wat.. i was told that the food court had to be naturally ventilated.. and.. make a guess where i placed my food court.. if u guessed the basement.. yes u're correct.. now i've to relook at my design.. and try to compromise a space for it.. or maybe shift everything again.. i dunno.. i'm pretty stuck at line drawing.. making me feel sickly behind time though i dun think i'm really tt slow at all.. blast it.. nose's bleeding again.. irritating.. i can taste the blood in the back of my throat.. i wonder wats wrong.. i wonder why i keep fallin sick.. heh.. went to jurong point after school.. to look for 1/100 scale justice gundam.. but nahz.. came back empty handed.. boarded 157 wif clement and yiwen.. got slpy.. decided to slp all the way to toa payoh.. guess i was crazy... reached toa payoh at 2045.. haha and still i went to take a walk in toa payoh looking for my beloved justice gundam.. but nooooooooooooo seems like kids central popularised it too much.. can't find any trace of its 1/100 box.. all i saw was the small scaled one.. cldn't make do wif tt.. i have a freedom mastergrade at home.. they are a team.. somehow i must find it.. as for the rest.. i can collect them reallllllll sloooooooooooowly... heh i guess its bout time i slpt.. nyghts...

2005-06-11T06:50:00.000+08:00

heh i just kinda tot of a story... dunno if i'm a gd story teller ehz.. well.. lemme try..

tom was an robust little boy.. his parents died when he was young.. his only kin left was his sister. being an orphan since young, tom had to learn to grow up faster than other kids his age.. one day he met wif an accident.. tt accident left him paralysed waist down.. he had to rely on the wheelchair to move around for the rest of his life.. unable to take the truth.. like most wld not be able to.. he was set to isolate himself.. he gave up on himself before anyone cld help him... the doctors and nurses were unable to control him.. being helpless they eventually discharged him as tom refuses to attend any therapy sessions.. u know wat they say bout family being there in the darkest hour.. to tom.. this was truly his darkest hour.. he cldn't face it.. he refused to do anything.. he threw tantrums.. he'd get into fits.. and he refused to sch anymore.. his sister tried to talk him out of his self-destruction spree.. but.. no to avail.. tom wldn't listen.. one day his sister brought home a stack of books.. "tom.. this are for u to read just in case u get bored at home", said the sister. without a second look... tom took the books and flung them out of the window.. the sister watched.. if she was angry she sure din show it.. but she wasn't.. she was aching in her heart.. her beloved bubbly brother deserved better she tot.. there must be a way to get him back up wif his life again.. the next day.. tom was sitting by the window starin into space as usual.. the clicked and opened.. his sister had came home again.. like everyday.. she walked towards him.. but this time.. she pointed out of the window.. "u see tt house over there tom??", she said ever patient.. tom just stared in the direction she pointed.. trying to locate the house.. finally relented and asked.. " which one?"
"there, the one with the yellow pitch roof and the light on.." replied his sister.
"i see it.. but wats up wif that?" asked tom wif his remaining inquistiveness
"a lil girl lives in there tom..." his sister continued slowly with warmth in her voice
" so wat its just an ordinary lil girl anyway.. hey why ya telling me all these.. wats the use?"said tom getting a lil frustrated..
"listen.. that lil girl has a terminal illness lil brother.. but.. she struggles to live.. she writes stories.. and often her works are published in the newspapers.. lil brother.. she cherishes her remaining time.. dun u see wat i'm trying to get at?" his sister said.. putting across her point in the gentlest of ways..
As if he was struck by a sudden bolt of lightning.. tom realised finally tt ever since tt accident he has been wasting his life again.. feeling ashamed.. he finally picked up his books and decided to study again.. life was back to normal.. when tom wanted to give up studying at nyght.. he wld stare out the window and see that light which reminds him of that lil girl...
but u know.. heaven likes to play tricks on us.. a few months later.. his sister passed away due to an accident.. tom was devastated.. but he quickly got back on his feet this time..he suddenly tot bout the lil girl his sister told him.. hmmz i wld like to meet this lil girl.. he tot to himself.. on tt day.. he wheeled himself over.. and knocked on the door.. after a long long while.. no one answered.. a granny frm next door (probably got irritated wif the din tom was making) asked.. "boy.. who are u looking for?"
tom replied "oh that lil girl tt stays here of cuz..."
"lil girl?? there's no one living here" replied the granny
"it can't be.. what bout the light everynyght.." replied tom unable to take in wat he just heard..
"a lady rented this house.. she told me this house wld not be occupied.. but requested that i turn on the lights til 11 everynyght.. that explains the light" explained the granny..
a teardrop rolled down tom's cheek that instance.. he then realised how much his sister loved him.. she loved him enough to waste that much money.. to rent a house and spin a tale just to get him back on his feet.. he cried long and hard that nyght.. so hard til he fell aslp crying...

hehe done :P

2005-06-10T13:09:00.000+08:00

heh.. finally in sch.. keep fallin sick.. stupid stomach flu.. haha but its ok i'm back.. hmmz haven done any work yet.. but probably over the weekend the model's gonna be up.. stupid structural model.. so much problems.. hmmz doesn't matter.. long as i can finish it by monday all will be alryght..hahahahaha k lar.. nothing much to say.. peace out..

2005-05-30T08:48:00.000+08:00

this is the first day of sch.. 30th may... as the time states its 0848.. the lecturer's murmuring away in the background.. i can hear nothing he says.. i'm too bored.. i think i probably just have to get a grp and its enuff.. new schling yr's resolution
- spend as lil time as i can in my own class
- be consistent
- stay away from ppl tt threaten to ruin me emotionally..
heh... tts all for now... i'm Bored wif a capital B ending wif a BIG B I G exclamation mark!

2005-05-10T01:02:00.000+08:00

hey.. today was absolutely boring.. stupid itp.. my architect just took charge of a project and he knows nuts bout it.. so i'm supposed to be askin his team instead.. it sucks ya know.. u dunno something u ask ur architect and he knows nothing.. well today i had to do the buildibility score.. u must be wondering wat the hell it is.. well i dunno wat it is oso.. i just know i have to label walls and measure their length... spent the whole day on tt stupid thing.. after tt i went to sch to help out wif the props.. tts the only time in the day where i enjoyed myself.. and just tot bout setting up a business sellin masks or wateva i can make.. i dunno.. perhaps i'll plan more and think more first.. yea.... tts my day.. one more thing.. i was planning to ask someone out for a movie.. but i'm still hesistating.. dunno wht i shld ask.. still strugglin to get a yes or a no frm myself.. hahaha tts really my day..

2005-05-07T07:37:00.000+08:00

heeello.. haha its a saturday.. 9 more days before the freshmen orientation camp starts.. i'm sure its gonna be a blast.. at least this yr i know there's a theme.. PIRATES! hahaha... gonna be heading to sch soon.. to make a canon.. we need it for our campfire.. all these just makes me look forward to the camp even more... i enjoy nothing more than making props... i just have a thing for it.. makes me wonder if there are any courses for propmasters... hahahaz yea.. anyway tts all for now.. and oh yea! thank u patsy.. without u my tagbox wld still be dead..

2005-04-20T00:11:00.000+08:00

if dreams were wings,
u broke mine to give urself flight.
oblivious to my devastation,
u take off into the vast blue sky.
I held on so tyght,
only to see u slip,
i hope for u so hard,
only to see go down the drain.
words unheeded,
blown away in the wind.
words repeated,
unheard by deaf ears.
frm u i found the meaning of slothfulness,
frm u i know wat it means by hopelessness,
upon u i see the shadow of self-shortchange,
above all i see the veil of the oblivious,
shrouding ur eyes like dark tt stretches in the nyght.
my soul screams for me to help u,
my hand yearns to stretch out to aid,
the heart fills wif a burning desire to shield!
but no... the mind tt commands all says.
let it be,
turn and go to a faraway place.
to see her CRUMBLE in her place!
the eyes well up but refuses to shed,
the only evidence of sanity left.
overwhelmed by hurt and anger,
blinded by the greatest evil of all,
the mind chants REVENGE, R E V E N G E! REVENGE!

i dunno wat i'm writiing.. but it just came, regardless of wht it make sense just know tt it came frm inside.. after bottling all the bitterness up... every kind of bitterness... yea u myght all think i'm insane after reading this.. yes i admit i've kinda cracked.. but still good.. still good.. i'm the same.. just wif a glint of madness in my eyes.... hahahahahaha

2005-03-13T10:57:00.000+08:00

elloz.. sunday mornin.. heh... submission's comin on friday.. haven quite finished anyting yet.. ya know its strange.. humans are curious.. but when they do find out wat they wanna find out.. it affects them greatly.. we're such emotional creatures aren't we... *sigh* maybe not we.. maybe i'm the only one... heh oh yea... went to the pub wif on friday nyght wif my frens and andrew.. haha was fun.. drank til i was tipsy... *laughs* conked out at home hahahaz.... ok i gotta go dear cryss.. bubyez...

missing u still wherever u are...

2005-02-20T22:14:00.000+08:00

u know wat is high??? high is when u know MOST of singapore is watching ur creation!! high is when u know its ur masterpiece.. high is when u're enjoying all this wif wat u call frens... FRENS!!! finally i got to use this word! hahaha its the pride i feel.. hahaha i had fun.. real fun.. this are the memories that i can't erase frm my head.. this is one of my happier times.. i love hanging out wif my juniors.. i rather be wif them than my class.. haha.. its just the feeling... i know i'm extra but its yea.. the feelin tt we all seek.. hahaha... somehow i just thank my lovely FRENS for everything.... *grinz*

2005-02-09T03:58:00.000+08:00

heh its officially chinese new yr day 1.. but strangely there's no new yr mood in me.. neither is there any holiday feeling.. haha i dunno wat happen man.. just find these occasions meaningless as i grow up.. maybe because i dun have tt significant other to spend it wif... signed up for off-peak gym membership.. shld be a gym regular now.. hahahaz even if i'm going alone i'll be keeping to my schedule.. then at least my strength has somewhere to go.. hahaha still thinking about buying a pair of rollerblades.. hmmz is rollerblade similar to ice-skating?? well i know a lil bout ice skating.. at least i only fell twice.. still getting a hang of it.. hahahahaz.. but buying a pair of rollerblades is more practical than buying a pair of iceskate.. hahahahaha time to go.. bubyez

2005-01-24T01:42:00.000+08:00

heh.. love my wkend.. especially friday.. went out wif team Swoosh.. hahahaz nice day out.. caught a movie.. Elektra.. i learn now tt trailers are often fake.. elektra proved to be a movie tt wasn't as interesting as its trailer hahaha.. i loved the company though.. then nyght came.. we bought our dinner at bedok.. and went to east coast park to settle down.. haha what luck we had.. we found an empty bbq pit and we decided to settle down there.. ck and a few pitched up the eight man tent.. while me and kc settle the two man tent.. rented 4 bikes for the nyght.. saw a charity drive for tsunami victims.. joggers had to run frm 9pm to 9am.. yeapz saw one whole mass.. but by the time morning game the group became lesser than ten.. the nyght was long.. we took turns to cycle around east coast park.. while others talked in the tent or played cards.. me, kinfai, kc and yin khuan even went to 7-11 to get some alcohol..bought two bottles of e33 and a barcardi breezer.. kinfai got drunk after drinking half of his e33.. hahaz and after tt he kept complaining he was high.. well the fact is tt i enjoyed myself wif them.. yeapz.. seriously enjoyed myself wif them very much.. i dun mind going out wif them again and again and again.. hahaha.. yea..

2005-01-17T03:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes when u can't remember or think.. its more of a blessing than a curse.. why do i say tt? cuz sometimes it hurts to remember.. or to even think bout it.. and one more thing i realised.. neva trust anyone fully.. u neva know when they myght betray u just for the sake of their curiosity.. humans are all the same.. we tend to sacrifice another person's happiness to build our own.. i realised tt sadly only on saturday.. when a fren was too caught up wif impressing a girl and turned the rest of us into his targets of amusement and impression.. heh..i dunno wat else i can say.. just tt i got a new haircut.. haha more punk than eva.. just tt my hair's not long enuff.. but the idea is there..new haircut.. new me.. saving up for a new color.. and oso a new hobby.. i'll neva trust anyone tt easily again.. especially those whom u claim urselves my frens.. u want me to trust u... make me believe in u.. make me believe ur heart is true..

2005-01-06T10:47:00.000+08:00

hmmz wat happens when a person starts to get delusional? wat happens when he starts forgetting all those tt he loves..gd qn dun ya think? something i feared since i was young.. but now i seem to embrace the idea of losing my mind.. maybe only then shall i be able to find solace within the depths of my soul.. how many times have my soul told me tt it was spent? how many times have i pushed the envelope too far? uncountable i must say.. such thin breakable barriers tt presents us our limits... barriers so brittle tt they break under a lil push... i remember tellin myself not to trust.. i remember tellin myself not to believe.. but of which of these have i done? none i must say.. non.. why? simple.. my heart is weak... its soft.. i keep getting beaten but i go back for more.. cuz i believe wat i believe.. but now i question the notion of believing.. i question the notion of having frens.. quieten down.... listen.. dun u hear my heart weeping? its crying and asking who my frens really are.. who i can count upon.. those who show me tt lil bit of concern that i need... concern.. and not their laments of pain! them lamenting their own pains to me when i tell them bout mine is NOT concern.. neither izzit comfort.. it comforts naught.. it adds to the burden.. it snowballs! i admire myself each day tt i stay sane.. sometimes the burden gets too heavy to carry and i thread tt thin line of getting berserk.. each time i pull back i admire myself a lil more.. who's my best fren then? i suppose it must be myself... *laughs* but each time i pull myself back frm the brink of insanity i regret.. i regret why i'm not able to allow myself to fall and sink into the depths of insanity.. for i believe it is only then tt i may achieve utter release frm the pain tt i have now.. who wld understand..?? who wld really understand?? ppl think they understand me but no.. they dun... they think they have worse lives than me.. NO.. they DUN! they choose to bring pain upon themselves.. NOT ME! i DUN!.. pain comes my way! i din ask for it.. i din do things to experience pain..tts the difference! tt is why they will neva understand! they say i'm pessimistic... but wif a life like that who cld be optimistic? optimistic thoughts are always overruled by things that follow those thoughts.. lousy life.. lousy world.. who wld understand.. by the time they do... wld it be too late? wld i still be me? or someone else whom i myself wun even know???

the longer i live.. the more insanity sets in... when it all begins.. even chains made by heaven will not hold me down...

2005-01-03T15:35:00.000+08:00

so long since i last blog huh?nothing much to type today.. just got a short poem..hahaha

How does it feel
with humans around
but still you feel alone
How does it feel
to be like u're dead
but still to live and wander about
How does it feel
to cry and wail
when there's neither sound nor tears
How does it feel
to be everything
yet knowing that u're nothing at all

It feels like you're the only one alive
when everyone's at bay
It feels like living is meaningless
when one's so void of hope
Its a feeling of being so spent
that your soul can't even weep
It feels like everything's a mistake
ryght from moment you were born.

howzit? comments comments.. hahaha somehow it just feels so me...doubt anyone reads..

Return me my gift of tears
Teach my soul to laugh with joy...
Show me... the meaning of happiness.....
*sigh*

2004-12-20T10:36:00.000+08:00

y0 y0z... went to chinablack on saturday nyght.. heh amazingly it didn't amaze me as i wld have expected it to.. in fact disappointed me.. so wats so nice bout tt place.. u pay 18 bucks for blaring but good music.. a cramped dancefloor a drink and a few hrs of serenading in smoke.. tts what i feel.. i know u party animals out there feel another way but its just wat i feel.. our definition of fun is different.. call me no life.. just say tt i dunno wat is fun.. but seriously clubbing is one thing tt wun get me hooked onto.. especially not til the point where i have to go twice every week.. nah.. maybe once in awhile.. heh... clubbing.. heh..

2004-12-16T21:50:00.000+08:00

heh just another day i spent doing nothing in sch.. yea u did NOTHING.. yes me leslie did no work in sch.. hahaha.. goin to sch everyday just makes me feel more and more like quitting the course.. hmmz lets just say i'm seriously getting sick of it.. and.. one more thing.. nothing makes me stay.. i feel nothing tt i can hold on in there.. heh.. i'm lost.. yea.. i lack wisdom on this issue.. seriously.. the way is treacherous and it gets darker as i type.. i dun see no light at the end of this way.. i myght just end up tripping over and neva be able to get up..*sigh* wats gonna happen.. i needa know.. wat wld i really choose.. quit.. or stay..

2004-12-12T04:05:00.000+08:00

heh~~ finally finish building my toy.. Liger Zero.. haha into zoids recently.. yeapz.. have three of them already.. rayse tiger, shield liger and liger zero..was thinking of getting gundams.. but i already have so many of them in my cupboard collecting dust.. myght as well get something which i can build and oso run on battery.. heh.. i'm a big kid i know.. the keypad of my phone has dropped out.. thanks to miss wen ya.. i dunno how she did it but she did it alryght.. now my phone has a pair of headlights staring at me wheneva i flip it open... feel so irritated.. IRRitated!.. had a farewell party for Lili too.. its so sad to have another fren leaving the course.. haha speak for urself leslie.. u're gonna leave architecture too.. it was a fun dinner.. i like the food.. and the company.. hahaha going out wif them bunch can be so entertaining.. maybe i shld do tt often.. hahahaz.. man i'm gonna miss Lili.. there's no one else i can talk to anymore.. no one else tt talks to me on my level...*sigh* i'll miss u Lily!! *HUG*

2004-12-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

hey hey~~ i loved the camp manz... first time i had frens buying cakes or rather slices of cake for me to celebrate my bdae.. its touching ya know.. especially Ah long ( Fu Rong) and the rest who were there.. thanks guys it made my day.. u neva know how much it touched my heart..thanks everyone tt were at the camp.. 7th december 2004 is the seriously the first time i smiled frm deep inside my heart.. the happiness is unforgettable.. it wld be a memory tt wun fade til the end of time.. enuff of the bdae.. everything has to end.. ryght now ryght this moment.. i'm just a small lil lost pup in the skin of a ferocious beast.. i need someone or something to lead me.. i need tt light.. *cries*oh yea out come of the tournament? we got second.. and my team got into a fyght hahaha nah u dun need to know more just know i was seperating ppl instead of fyghting.. nyght cryss
love ya

2004-11-29T10:40:00.000+08:00

hey cryss! ya know something? my team got into the semi-finals for bball yesterday! cool eh? hahaha the teams were quite easy to beat actually.. next opponent.. bukit merah team 2.. hmz tts the only strong team we've seen so far.. if we beat them.. we are the champions!! hahahaz.. i want the GOLD medal.. i'm thirsting for it.. i'll make sure i trample anyone who gets in my way..

2004-11-26T03:29:00.000+08:00

ello babe.. heh yeapz.. its inching closer to my bdae.. 18th bdae.. and its the first time i carry out my plans to celebrate it.. why?? simple.. financial problem... wat else can happen? in this world nothing works without money... oh well..hahaha.. oh yea.. my laptop got screwed.. think it got a virus or something.. can't use the net wif tt darn thing.. sending it back to m'sia for repair yea.... yes i'm sharing my desktop wif my pesky sisters... haha i'm feeling kinda shit cuz of some stuff.. buti doubt it matters even if i told u.. i think its probably me tts the problem.. heh.. bubyez...

2004-11-22T03:17:00.000+08:00

ello.. its bout time i blog.. hahaha.. decided to be a chameleon this month.. i hate white hair at first.. then it turned blonde.. after which i decided to highlight it red but ended up dying the whole head.. now its faded to dunno how to describe the color.. chameleon.. hahha hmmz neva tot tt i wld be so crazy... identity crisis.. the search for myself.. i doubt anyone wld understand me.. no one does.. all they see is me needing attention.. wat else wld they see when they dun bother understand.. *laughs* maybe its better this way.. the search continues babe.. for myself.. haha who m i??? i wonder really.. day and nyght i wonder.. wat m i...... guide me hear me... anybody.... anything...

2004-11-15T19:29:00.000+08:00

ello~~ :) been away for the past few days.. was at grandma's place.. hmmz wanted to do work.. budden ended up slping and at kel's place instead.. haha.. i finished my siteplan, first storey plan second storey plan and third storey.. hmm wat else do i have left.. fourth and sixth storey... fifth storey.. elev and sect.. hmmz three more pages.. GFA computation.. verging.. and i'm done.. if i dun get the lazy bug biting me i'll be able to hand it up on the 20th.. haha.. i can feel it doesn't matter.. hahaha why?? ya wanna know why?? i got 3 Cs and a D for my joint crit 2.. me get Cs and Ds??? hmmz when was tt suppose to be possible.. yea i've a big ego... so wat? design's the only thing i'm gd at.. and when u dun reach the target u set urself.. wat does it have to prove? yea i'm lousy.. i'm just ur avg guy.. hmmz all the hard work during the previous half a yr.. i dun see them reflected in my results.. not at all.. perhaps i shld really heed my secondary teachers' advice.. perhaps i shld really pursue something i love and withdraw frm this course.. haha i'm not cut out for it and nothing anchors my heart in place either....

what use is speech
when u dun hear me talk
what use is sight
when i can't see ur smile...
what use is touch
when i can't feel ur kiss
what use m i
if u keep being like this...

i like this piece of work.. it tells what is in my heart.. but as if anyone cared or bothered... deception has totally clouded my mind.. i dun even know who are my frens..

2004-11-08T01:33:00.000+08:00

finally.. kept trying to blog just now.. somehow i cldn't.. went to boat quay last last nyght which means saturday nyght.. went to chocolate bar cldn't get admited... cuz one guy was severly underage.. but its ok.. haha got to know practically all the staff working there.. then we went to lighthouse.. haha they tot we cld get admitted inside.. all happily said ok.. end up sitting outside and drink haha dumb.. kena rip off somemore.. but... 8shrugs8 i still owe them.. so doesn't matter.. i'm making sure i go back to chocolate bar to celebrate my bdae.. hmmz why chocolate bar?? simple.. 20 bucks for 4 hrs of freeflow of any alcohol.. count me in! lotzza police patrolling yesterday we had to scram before 3.. the major cops were coming and they were catching peeps drinking underage.. cuz we had one guy in our grp we decided to finish our leftovers wif a game.. heh.. but it ended up wif me and another drinking all of it.. why? running outta time lar.. haha quite fun after tt eh.. all of us quite high.. walked frm boat quay to clarke quay then to robertson quay before going to ms.. yeapperz.. wanna take a look at the world.. well its the world to some ppl.. not to me though... all of us running walking jumping.. singing.. haha nothing cld beat tt... why? cuz i call it happiness.. i WAS HAPPY!! tts all it really matters... hahahahaha...

2004-10-14T11:47:00.000+08:00

hey hey.. i know i know.. i haven been blogging yes.. but i dun have time!! alryght i do.. just tt i'm lazy to blog.. anyway i was thinking of closing down this blog.. no one visits it anyway.. budden.. the creation of this blog wasn't cuz i want ppl to know bout my life... i'm just keeping a diary tt i wun lose... a virtual diary.. cryss i rather miss u.. though u're married now and all.. heh.. how nice it wld be if... if u were here as a fren.. i miss human company.. i miss having someone around me that knows me and understands me.. and lectures me in the softest way when i'm wrong.. i can't take insults and crude remarks no longer.. i need a break frm these bunch of dressed savages...

2004-10-10T19:29:00.000+08:00

heya.. tell ya something i din submit my wrk on friday.. lost the drive.. again! haha i just cldn't finish it.. and even if i did finish the last 2 % how the heck was i gonna print when the plotter keeps jamming up?? still feelin kinda upset.. well after the submission i tried to plot again budden the plotter ran out of paper.. shit happens.. no i'm not upset cuz the plotter ran out of paper.. i'm upset cuz i can't put myself in the front of my mind.. i feel so sickened by myself sometimes.. why do i care so much for them?? i need my own hide too.. i'm only human.. well i'm quite relieved though.. cuz mony got to submit her stuff.. :) tts the most impt thing next to cheryl's submission and mine.. budden.. cheryl din submit.. she din had anything to.. gotta stay behind her man.. who's gonna catch her if she falls?? hmmz maybe i'll be the one.. if i can keep myself frm fallin first.. hahahahaz life's full of shit.. budden again.. if it wasn't.. it wldn't be interesting eh?? haha i guess this is the first optimistic entry i had?? well it feels optimistic to me.. hahahahaha gd nyght cryss...

2004-09-29T01:25:00.000+08:00

cryss.. why does small lil things hurt and upset more than huge mistakes or problems?? especially when its frm tt special someone.. i feel used.. i feel neglected.. and i wish i cld take the place of the girl that died in my sch two days ago.. wats so good bout living that some ppl wanna continue living despite being at their live's end? i dun see the lyght.. i dun see the joy.. wat m i really?? loneliness has become a part of me again...

U are my gift from heaven
U made me into EVERYTHING i m
Without u i wld still have been NOTHING
Its tt special SOMETHING in u
That makes ANYTHING u do the most warming gesture to my heart.

Written wif tt special THING u call a heart.. to the sweetest of all person who shall remain a mystery til fate allows..

2004-09-21T10:33:00.000+08:00

it seems that i can't in sch wif my laptop.. can't seem to get any of the entries posted... its weird..

2004-09-14T11:31:00.000+08:00

guess wat.. its already the second day of me not goin home.. things are not very convienient.. howeva u spell tt.. but i tot bout it.. i'm living at my grandma's house for gd.. i dun feel like going back to tt place anymore.. hate tt place.. hahahahaha.. its for the best anyway.. i think i wld probably take a few days and move everything over.. how nice wld it be.. haha i'll probably bring all my comics over too.. i dunno i'll just bring my powder and my gloves over first.. then maybe next i'll bring the weights.. its fine wif me i'll just treat it like i neva knew my mother.. haha i'm fed up.. really fed up.. all the tot and all the efforts that i undertook to try to ease them financially have gone to a waste.. *bitter laughter* how would they know anyway.. they are too caught up wif themselves.... like everyone is... just like everyone is...

2004-09-13T17:14:00.000+08:00

heya.. know wat.. i got two hamsters.. both male.. decided to name them pravus and bitterius... haha.. quarreled wif my mom over them then we quarrelled bout money, i mean wat the hell i'm gonna take care of them wif the money tt i earn not the money that she gives me.. just cuz of a unlucky incident the whole family forbids the rearing of furry animals or birds...they are just too superstitious.. moved out of the house too.. can't stand it.. rather stay wif my grandma.. love it tt way.. the only thing is tt i can't go online.. but oh well just have to download everything in sch before i go home.. its alryght wif me. i dun mind.. just long as i dun have to go home to face stuff that i dun need to face... haiz.. they dun understand me.. they dun understand the difference between hamsters and reptiles.. they dun understand anything.. they neva will.. they are too caught up wif themselves just like everyone else is caught up wif themselves.. sometimes i think hamsters are better than humans.. even any other animal is better than being a human.. *sigh* when will all these end....

2004-09-07T03:48:00.000+08:00

Hey babe.. its been a long hard day yea? A day so torturous that it has set me thinking… thinking bout things that I shouldn’t be thought.. things that sent me into the cold black depths of depression.. what did I think bout?? U must be wondering eh.. I thought bout the meaning of living and questions so many that are just whys and whats.. surely there has to be more than simple playing and work each day babe.. surely there has gotta be more than hatred and love we experience each day.. is there nothing else that keeps us goin??? Or rather.. me goin.. what is motivation?? What is love?? What is hunger and what is pain?? Why is there loneliness?? Why is there differentiation?? What drives us? What governs us? What am I really?? A plain individual that tries too hard to fit in?? or an animal with inborn herd instinct trying to be different?? I keep seeking but to no avail m’dear lady’o.. where are the answers that I seek?? What does my existence mean?? Am I put on the face of this earth for a reason besides repaying the women kind and heaven itself? What makes right and what makes wrong? Why do we have to learn? Why do we have to move on in life? What am i? why do I seek? Why do I keep asking the qns I ask?? Why do I meet the ppl I meet?? I seek and search in everyone else to satisfy the unanswered with possibilities of every kind of ans, but til now I have found none.. not a glimpse of possibility nor a glimmer of truth that lies in wait.. was I born to behave this way? To seek and search and question the meaning of existence? I am afterall what u would call a human, hit me and I feel pain, cut me and I bleed.. hurt me .. deep enough and I’ll shatter and break in front of your face.. what does my existence truly mean?? M I created for anyone??? Am I created to be alone?? What is alone? What is meaning?? What is life? Can anyone tell me? I seek the truth or the reason alone.. to understand and to comprehend, to fill the emptiness and void in me that seeks.. to rekindle the snuffed out flame that was guiding me.. to find myself and my identity to stop me from being a wanderer any further.. in this sea of self destructive thoughts and questions that I can’t stop helping myself to.. where are the ones that can give me comfort in this time.. to show me what is humanity… perhaps there is none.. or perhaps.. they are just not here yet.. I dunno.. i.. dunno…

2004-09-05T01:26:00.000+08:00

elloz.. today was fine.. busted a gd half of it slping.. haha too tired ya see.. back frm work at 430.. and by the time i came outta bath is was 5.. woke up only at 1930 when my dad called me.. hell din know i cld slp this long yea? there was a whole load of sms and missed calls.. got my new lappie.. i dunno why its modem spd is so slow.. and its infrared port ain't workin well.. gonna bring it to sch and check it and at the same time bring it for configuration so tt i can use the sch's internet. yeaz tts bout all.. time to slp..

2004-09-02T23:54:00.000+08:00

someone tell me why i feel like i was borned to repay debts tt i owe last lifetime?? firstly i owe heaven.. next i owe girls.. feel so used sometimes when i have to do so much for them and i can't f*cking reject them.. and even if i did try to reject them, their persistent whining wld make them get their way.. i sometimes wonder if my efforts go un-noticed? i wonder if they are appreciated.. but it seems sometimes i go all out to do something for someone... it backfires on me and explodes ryght in my face.. how cool is tt eh.. sometimes i just hate living.. sometimes i feel like i'm living for the sake of living.. anyone hear my cries?? anyone able to see the real face behind this mask?? but even if they heard it or seen it wat diff does it make? they dun attempt to make my life better for me..

2004-08-31T11:55:00.000+08:00

elloz.. its after the interim crit.. i expected some bombing.. its alryght i'm ok.. i just need more research on my end client.. and perhaps i needa change some of my spaces as well but i think one of the lecturers got my end user wrongly.. they're supposed to be mildly autistic ppl and not severly autistic ppl.. heh but its ok.. i think its almost the same.. i need research but where shld i start frm eh?? the net has so much on helping the autistic but none on autism.. i'm having a hard time here.. can anyone help?? *grnz* really could use some help ryght now.. i'm glad tt Mr Yen complimented but my end user.. at least i din hit rock bottom for this project eh..

2004-08-29T07:38:00.000+08:00

first thing.. shiatz.. shld have been awake since 2 doin wrk.. but i had to wakeup at 0145 to laze a lil bit and after mira called me to wake me up i fell aslp.. wat crap is this! leslie.. wats wrong wif u.. now i have a whole site analysis to complete.. plus another space model.. i'm still thinking bout wht i shld make my toilet model or wat?? and i'm so screwed.. i dunno how to proposed anything for the structural side of the building and my issue has not come to me in words. super screwed.. and i'm left wif how many hrs? i dunno.. i feel so tired and taxed.. better get goin.. bubyez..

2004-08-24T22:18:00.000+08:00

elloz~~ everything's been rather fine eh.. just started work back at snookerium again.. probably working on mondays thursday and saturdays.. hopefully i can cope wif it lar.. haha quite busted from the gym session i had in sch just now.. still gotta do some cutting tml.. have no choice eh.. gotta start on the essay draft tml so i gotta do most of the models today.. by hook or by crook eh.. hahahahaz.. for now lemme slack a bit.. sometimes questions formulate answers by themselves when we slack.. just gotta be aware eh.. hahahhaha me and my skewed logic..

2004-08-17T16:27:00.000+08:00

finally got this picture out onto the blog.. howzit?? comments comments quick.. heh heh..

2004-08-12T08:08:00.000+08:00

stupid viruses! i have to just fall sick again.. sitting in S5 coughing my lungs out.. chest and throat hurts everytime i cough.. irritating~~ feelin reallllll bad... but wat to do.. its tutorial the whole day tml.. i think i'll just come late wif an MC.. gonna see the polyclinic doc in the mornin eh.. cheaper.. heh heh... hope tt this cough ain't nothing serious.. but its sure gonna put me outta the court for awhile.. and my stupid shoulder.. its gonna make me stay away frm the gym for at least half a mth.. shit happens.. hahhaz anywayz.. i'm goin.. bubyez..

2004-07-27T00:50:00.000+08:00

where have i gone wrong?? where????? how come i got bombed by the lecturers?? arghh i feel so sick and irritated.. wat m i supposed to do to be on the ryght track... freaking pissed off... cldn't do anything to vent my frustrations.. ended up drawing this...

2004-07-26T12:59:00.000+08:00

heya.. in the mm lab.. joint crit.. hmmz not the least bit scared.. hahaha dunno why just not scared.. hmmz maybe so much things happened recently tt it left me deprived of fear? i dunnoz.. hmmz drained emotionally and mentally.. physically undrained yet.. but soon.. i know how i like to vent my frustrations out wif bball and running and everything else... haha i'm trying to look on the bryght side of life.. but its hard.. hmmz probably gonna take a bit of time.. hopefully this time i wld be able to succeed in turning myself around.. can't take this depression wif me forever.. may go mad one day.. who knows.. hahahaz sian lar.. nothing to do.. lecturers not here yet.. can't wait to get over wif it... not scared of the crit.. NOT SCARED at all.. just full of confidence.. FULL of it.. have no idea why..... maybe this is the turn of events.. maybe... haha so much maybe.. wat is true?hahahahahhahahahaha